Lunar New Year 2015

Lunar New Year marks the one year anniversary of the DiversityNerd blog and I have about 50 posts on this site. Considering I committed to posting once a week, I didn’t do too badly in reaching that goal. The last two paragraphs of my first post read as follows, written about the Year of the Horse:

 

On New Year’s Day, look forward, not backward, as this is not a time to even talk about the past.  Keep positive thoughts in your mind about the future.  This year, give love.  Remember karma?  Well, the Horse can be impulsive, “act now and think later”.  Be sure to radiate positive energy so impulsive actions won’t bite you in the ass.  Don’t be a douche, be good to others, give more than you take and do it all with love.

If you’ve read this far, mahalo nui loa/salamat po (thank you very much) for hanging in with me, I really appreciate it.  There will always be a message about Diversity and Inclusion in this blog, as my career is truly a part of who I am.  In addition, I will continue to nerd out over important things like “Star Wars”, “The Walking Dead”, “Downton Abbey”, “Scandal”, “24” (can’t wait for the re-boot) and “Elementary”.  My daughter turns 16 this month and her high school experience an endless source of material to write about.  I’m waiting for the ink to dry on my divorce papers so a story or two about me dating is a definite possibility in 2014.  And, I stay active with fun things like paddling outrigger canoes, dancing hula, wogging half marathons and occasionally kicking and punching at the dojo.  On some days, this blog will be a mindless string of run-on thoughts and other days, I will say something profound and prolific.  The only thing I can promise is that it will be my truth, the truth of Jennifer “Jae” Pi’ilani, a DiversityNerd.

It is sort of crazy how much my life has changed in just one year. As the ink continued to dry on divorce papers, the spark of a new friendship with a man who lives 2,000 miles away ignited to a long distance romance which is now a stable, loving and committed relationship. I am not sorry about not having blog posts about Tinder swipes or bar hopping or booty shaking at the club as I re-entered the life of a single woman on the dating scene. When I least expected to find a friendship on fire, this man walked into my life back in 2013. What started with an innocent night of talking and laughing about nerdy stuff led to a new beginning for both of us. Since then, only two days have passed where we haven’t communicated in some form or fashion. I am more connected to him than anyone else I have ever date, including the man I married.

Work continues to undergo chaos and change as we work to transition all four HQ locations to Texas. People are leaving the company for new opportunities every day and that is a new experience for most of us. I feel a weight on my shoulders to help the company be successful in this move. I also feel a responsibility to ensure that the new work environment continues to live the values that we have all grown accustom to in our current affiliates but evolves to include new cultural priorities. Business as usual won’t cut it in the future.

My return to the dojo has filled my life with new goals around martial arts. I want to train and become the badass black belt that Sensei Richard always wanted me to be. Not because rank is important to me but because it proves that I have accomplished the first stage of obtaining knowledge to pass along to students. I want to teach new students, especially young people, that the basics are everything. We need a foundation of basics to build our self-esteem and to understand how discipline on the dojo floor creates an avenue for success in all aspects of one’s lives. And the dojo is more than a room to sweat in three times per week, a dojo is safe environment in which to learn and where you can make mistakes in the spirit of continuous improvement.

And I am so grateful that my daughter is happy and healthy and still loves school. We have a special relationship because it has just been the two of us for so long. I see her developing her independence and it makes me proud. But I also see her struggle with the usual teenager drama and I wince when I remember how hard it is to be in high school. All I can do is to try to give her space to be a kid and to make mistakes and to know that I will always have her back.

I looked up what we have to look forward to in the Year of the Wooden Sheep and found this at: http://www.2015chinesehoroscope.net/

“2015 is the year of the wooden sheep (or year of the wooden goat if you’re using other sources).

The Meaning Behind the Year of the Sheep

The Sheep is generally considered a very lucky animal by most Chinese, and this is because the Chinese character for Sheep, which is Yang, sounds very similar to the Chinese pronunciation for luck, which is Xiang. Because of this linguistic similarity, the Chinese horoscope associates Sheep with luck, which is why they consider them lucky animals.

Predictions for 2015

Because the fire cycle is coming to a close, 2015 is believed to conclude many trends that had existed in the past few years. Many of the processes which have unfolded in the past are also believed to be wrapping up, which means that political and economic situations throughout the world are more likely to end. The downside to this, however, is that new troubles may also arise to replace the old problems that are expected to pass away. So the best way to greet 2015 is to expect a lot of changes, both good and bad.

If you’ve had nothing but bad luck in the past few years then 2015 may just offer you the chance to turn your life around. On the other hand, if you’ve experienced nothing but good fortune in the past then you may want to reexamine your priorities and make certain preparations just in case the worse happens. Either way, it’s going to be an exciting year.”

So buckle up and get ready for an exciting year of change, as if that is news to me. I hope to launch my podcast this year, earn my brown belt and do the Catalina Crossing this year. Cheers to the Year of the Sheep!

Births and Deaths – My Ash Wednesday 2015

Ash Wednesday is the one day of the year that brings me to church. I love the sentiment of focusing energy on one of the three things that the Catholic Church emphasizes during Lent, alms. The concept of alms is to humbly help people in need, with monetary donations or volunteering your time and energy in some way. Officially, Ash Wednesday is observed through fasting, abstinence from meat (cow and fowl) and repentance. For Pi’i, Ash Wednesday is about contemplating the past year and being deliberate about how I want to be in the year to come. Living the Aloha Spirit is the goal. The Aloha Spirit is about giving back selflessly, just as I interpret the concept of giving alms. So Ash Wednesday becomes a mash-up of the sparse religious education I received as a child, the values my parents imparted on me and the Aloha Spirit that I have adopted as a part of my life.

“The Aloha Spirit is the coordination of mind and heart within each person. It brings each person to the Self. Each person must think and emote good feelings to others. In the contemplation and presence of the life force, Aloha, the following unuhi laulâ loa (free translation) may be used:

A – Akahai, meaning kindness to be expressed with tenderness;

L – Lôkahi, meaning unity, to be expressed with harmony;

O – `Olu`olu, meaning agreeable, to be expressed with pleasantness;

H – Ha`aha`a, meaning humility, to be expressed with modesty;

A – Ahonui, meaning patience, to be expressed with perseverance.

These are traits of character that express the charm, warmth and sincerity of Hawaii’s people. It was the working philosophy of native Hawaiians and was presented as a gift to the people of Hawaii.

Aloha is more than a word of greeting or farewell or a salutation.

Aloha means mutual regard and affection and extends warmth in caring with no obligation in return.

Aloha is the essence of relationships in which each person is important to every other person for collective existence.

Aloha means to hear what is not said, to see what cannot be seen and to know the unknowable.”   http://www.atchawaii.com/LocalInfo/alohaspirit.html

I say all that because in 2015, my Ash Wednesday took me on an emotional roller coaster of sorts, as I meditated on my 2014 and envisioned what I wanted for the coming year. This week is packed with celebrations. The country observed the legal President’s Day holiday on the heels of the very commercialized Valentine’s Day. Then Ash Wednesday popped up, earlier than I expected. And the day after, we celebrate Lunar New Year, the anniversary of when I launched this blog. On a personal note, this Saturday is my father’s 80^th birthday and we will all be together to eat a big meal and share some laughs. These are all pleasant occurrences, filled with giggles and celebrations and tradition. But this year on Ash Wednesday, I also felt sadness for a friend and a family member.

Today, I signed a condolence card for my friend at work. Her mother passed away last weekend. I know her mom has been ill for a while but I am sure she and her family were not prepared for this loss. To make matters worse, her mother lives 2,000 miles away in Ohio. There are no words of comfort that feel sincere, in my opinion, when writing on a Hallmark card. I would prefer to just hug my friend or hold her hand or just sit in silence with her. But I can’t so I wrote words on the Hallmark card to try to convey the sentiment that I feel for her.

That brings me to another death that our extended family has experienced recently and added a funeral to our week of celebrations. My extended family, a second cousin, experienced the most horrific thing a mother could possibly experience. She came home from work in the early evening to discover that her teenaged daughter had committed suicide. The details aren’t important as to how it happened, the only thing that matters is that her daughter is gone. I don’t know her daughter really well and I haven’t spent much time with this cousin since I’ve moved away from the Central Coast. But I am a mother of a teenaged daughter and our girls are only a few weeks apart in age and I know they had played together during numerous family reunions and baptisms and parties. And I can’t stop thinking about how much it must hurt.

The teenage years are incredible difficult. Peer pressure, hormones, Asian mothers, all impart incredible amounts of stress and uncertainty and confusion for a teen. I am sure that this young woman also had some sort of additional emotional challenges to deal with, as if being a teenager isn’t hard enough. Perhaps she needed medication but stopped taking it. Maybe she had a therapist that she couldn’t connect to or feel comfortable enough to truly share. Who knows what triggered this young woman to do what she did. I just hurt at the loss of her young life and I ache for the pain her mother must be feeling.

Thankfully, the second card I signed at work was for a baby shower. Another friend who I worked with six years ago is finally pregnant. She and her husband dated long distance for a couple of years before they moved in together. We used to go to lunch and I would outline my dating adventures while she would listen and laugh. For some reason, my friends found my dating life to be more entertaining than reality TV. I am happy to have a reminder that life goes on, despite the pain that others are experiencing. And as the season of Lent begins, I am holding my daughter a little closer and taking a more deliberate approach to living the Aloha Spirit. I also am giving up booze and baked goods. If I fall off the Lenten wagon, expect a big financial donation to a non-profit to come. The happy news of my friend and her husband expecting a baby brought me back to the Aloha Spirit, “the coordination of mind and heart within each person…Each person must think and emote good feelings to others.”

The Basics are Everything in #karate

The sun shone brightly on that clear Fall morning. Obviously, no one had informed the sun that it was October 26th, as the temperature had already reached the low 70s by 9:30am. I reached for my Maui Jim’s as I started the car and noticed my hand shook a bit. Nerves brought a chill to my bone, not autumn weather. The belt promotion test day had arrived and eight karatekas would face the physical and mental challenge of testing their abilities: perform kata – open hand and with weapons, spar against multiple opponents simultaneously and display working knowledge/practical application of martial arts techniques. This must occur after enduring an extremely physically challenging work-out. Each karateka must able to execute self-defense techniques, translate Japanese words and phrases and articulately respond to questions about training.

When I thought about the physical part of the test, I wasn’t worried. I had complete faith in my current fitness level. My training included cardio, hula, and karate. And the fundamental blocks, kicks and punches came back to me, just like riding a bike. Sensei Richard Rabago always said, “The basics are everything.” We would drill our blocks, kicks and punches for 30 to 45 minutes a night before the actual work out would begin.

The one thing that made me nervous was wondering if it would be hard for me to control my emotions. The last time I talked to Sensei Rabago about training, I had mentioned that I was ready to come back, as soon as my work life settled down. He responded, “Good. We are ready when you are. You should have been a black belt by now anyway.” That was about three years ago, when my manager at work became unexpectedly “separated” from the company and I suddenly found myself burdened with triple the workload and no additional resources at work or at home. Before I knew it, two years had passed and Sensei’s health had slowly begun to deteriorate. The dojo may always be ready for me but it never dawned on me that Sensei Rabago would not be there to guide my training.

Back in the day, I spent four days a week in the dojo. My week revolved around working out and sweating on the dojo floor. I would pack food to eat in the office at 5:00pm so that I would have enough energy to burn. My wardrobe consisted of long sleeved blouses and long skirts to hide the bruises from blocks and practicing techniques. I loved training so much, it was the best part of my day.

Those evenings would go a little something like this: A sempai (brown belt) or more junior black belt would lead warm up exercises. Military style jumping jacks “1-2-3-ONE! 2-2-3-TWO!” and so on, for at least three sets of ten. We would then stretch for 10 -15 minutes, and not some light head-shoulders-knees-and toes baloney, we would loosen up our quads, hamstrings, calves, knees, ankles, groin and move into splits before working on the appendages of our upper body. This would start the perspiration before any sort of kicking or punching was even mentioned.

Once we were sufficiently warmed up, if Sensei Rabago would walk out on to the floor we all kind of took a deep breath in and side eyed each other. We knew we were in for a work out. Two sets of ten punches each chudan zuki – middle punch; jodan zuki – upper punch; gedan zuki – low punch, with ten push-ups between each set. When you do the math, that adds up to a lot of push-ups. Follow that up with triple punch sets to work on speed with either squats or sit-ups in between each. Between karate, hula, tennis, volleyball and basketball, my knees have suffered abuse for my entire life. We followed the same routine for blocks: jodan uke – high block; soto uke – outside block; uchi uke – Inside block; and gedan barai – low block. Then we started kicks: Mawashi Geri, Yoko Geri, Mae Geri, etc. My favorite kick is the roundhouse, mawashi geri, because I feel like I can get so much power out of turning my hip over and adding the pivot. It always felt like a combination of throwing a baseball and doing a dance pivot, thrown with the intention of breaking an opponent’s femur. I also enjoyed the gedan barai – low block because the best way to block is to try to make yourself the smallest target possible and that means turning your shoulders and bending your knees. Something about that motion always felt like a dance move to me.

Training in the dojo taught me about much more than just self-defense. Sensei Rabago emphasized that women and girls learn to defend themselves against attacks. But when I think back to my training, I realized that my career success and life accomplishments can be attributed to the self-confidence and self-respect that Sensei instilled in all of his students. We represented more than just ourselves when we wore that gi or competed in tournaments. We were committed to training to improve ourselves. We were dedicated to perpetuating the tradition of Okinawan Shorin Ryu through our studies. We were warriors. I am a single mom of a biracial child with multiple learning disabilities and I hold down a demanding career, that makes me a working warrior.

Martial arts training teaches self-reliance and independence because you are the only person who can perform the kata or defend in kumite. However, Sensei Rabago nurtured his students in a way that can only be described as a family environment. The young students had to complete their homework before they could train. We weren’t allowed to walk outside with our gi on, and definitely restricted from wearing our belts outside. Sensei always said, “it doesn’t matter what color your belt is, all it does is hold your pants up.” This, from a 7th Dan Master. Humility and hard work, that was the biggest lesson I took away from Sensei Richard Rabago.  His philosophy on the dojo, “Money is important, but we don’t live our lives by it.  We want to keep the doors open, train dedicated students and make good people.”
On May 8, 2003, in Sensei Richard Rabago’s dojo, I broke a board for the first time with a reverse punch. He told me, “Good job, Girl. Pi’i, if you can break a board, you can break a bone”. I’ve kept it in my office to remind me that I can achieve anything if I’m willing to work hard (and I can break someone’s bone if they deserve it). Bam.

Today, I am lucky to study under Sensei Butch Togisala, Sensei Rabago’s number one black belt. Sensei Togisala has more trophies than one can count and has been a black belt as long as I have known him. I see the same family spirit in his new dojo. Even though he isn’t as hard on the kids as Sensei Rabago was, I love watching him teach. Sensei Togisala knows who to push hard, who to encourage and who to nurture. And I appreciate that he doesn’t train me “like a girl.” He trains me like a Warrior and I push myself to be a better karate-ka every day, in everything I do, starting with the basics: Punch-Kick-Block. The basics are everything.

May 25, 2012
Sensei Richard Rabago, 7th Dan
Sensei Richard Rabago was born August 14th, 1943 on the Island of O’ahu and raised on the garden isle of Kauai. As he was growing up on the Islands, Rabago Sensei had the opportunity to experience and study many different forms of martial arts. Rabago Sensei martial studies included: Judo, Aikido, Kempo and boxing. After completing high school Rabago Sensei moved to California in August of 1961. Then, he began his training in Shotokan Karate under the instruction of Tsutomu Oshima and Hidetaka Nishiyama.

Rabago Sensei trained and studied the principles of Shotokan until 1968. In
1969, he began his study of Shorin-Ryu Karate under Senseis’ George Terukina and Seikichi Iha. He progressed through the years and earned his title as “Sensei”. Rabago Sensei then opened his own dojo and for the past 30 plus years taught Kobayashi Shorin-Ryu and specialized techniques in use of force in Torrance, California.

Rabago Sensei has the experience, training credentials, and Budo skill to have earned the right to be called “Master” several times over. If you call him that, however, you’ll most likely get a roll of the eyes, a slightly embarrassed laugh, and the words, “just call me Sensei – that’s enough”. A throwback to the age of Budo and Honor, where a Karate-ka earned respect through skill and dedication, not by self-given titles, Rabago Sensei measures himself against a higher standard than is commonly used in martial arts today. Rabago Sensei has learned his most important lesson. “The basics are everything”.

Sensei Richard Rabago, 7th Dan

 

Me, 4th Kyu

“Just Because I’m Quiet” Can an Introvert Really Blog Once A Week?

One discovery I have made in exploring this topic is that my Introversion actually hinders my ability to blog on a weekly basis.  Living in my Introversion does not lend itself to being a very effective baby blogger.  (“Baby” means “new” not that I am blogging about babies.)

“Reality TV! Social Media! Big-and-bold leaders! Sometimes it seems life today is tailor-made for extroverts. But given that as many as half of Americans are introverts, how can quieter types succeed amidst so much noise?”  This concept of being big and loud in the US has plagued me for most of my life.  My parents are Asian immigrants who whispered covert coaching tips in my ears.  If I wanted success:  keeping quiet, staying humble and working hard would reap rewards and recognition.  Unfortunately, what I realized when I hit the workforce was that life is more “the squeaky wheels gets the grease” and a lot less “the nail that stands up gets hammered down.”  My parents and I didn’t define “rewards and recognition” in the same context.  They thought that lifelong employment and a pension were crucial to living the American Dream.  However, I longed for a work environment where I was constantly challenging the status quo and developing new ideas to create space for innovative thinking and creativity to thrive.  Compound my conflicted Asian upbringing with being an Introvert and my instinctive nature to want to make others great and that is a recipe for folding in the complex card game of corporate America.  Thankfully, my chosen career is based on the concept of creating a new culture that leverages diversity and builds an inclusive work environment.  After studying Generational Diversity as a concept to help me be successful in my company, Introvert/Extrovert personality styles is my new frontier to explore.

Many books have been written on this topic.  Susan Cain is one of the most recognized names in this field.  She recently announced “The Quiet Revolution” in her TED talk in the Spring of 2014.  Her book, “Quiet:  The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking” has garnered attention from critics, business leaders and parents alike.  Ms. Cain was a keynote speaker at a diversity conference that I attended in Atlanta this past May 2014.  For me, I was tickled to hear someone addressing this topic in a keynote address.  One other author who I have read is Laure A. Helgoe, who penned, “Introvert Power:  Why Your Inner Life is Your Hidden Strength.”  Ms. Helgoe released a second edition where she works to deconstruct the cultural bias that links extraversion to happiness, which means that introverts must be less happy.   Both authors approach this topic differently but with a great deal of introspection and care.  One guess whether they are each introverts or extroverts.

One discovery I have made in exploring this topic is that my Introversion actually hinders my ability to blog on a weekly basis.  I’ve spent weeks mulling this concept and thinking about how to position this in a blog topic and once I worked it out in my head, I didn’t feel the need to post my thoughts.  I had Introverted the topic so thoroughly in my own mind to resolution and moved on without even typing a word.  Living in my Introversion does not lend itself to being a very effective baby blogger.  (“Baby” means “new” not that I am blogging about babies.)  Another aspect of this concept that interferes with my blogging is my extremely extroverted (with a capital EX) daughter.  She just walked in and said, “Hey mom, are you ready to go?”  I replied, “Just give me about 30 minutes to finish this blog draft and I will be ready to go, please go pack what you need for the day.  Daughter exits and returns in two minutes with her change of clothes and a big smile, as she deposits the pile of clothes on my bed and begins to chat me up incessantly.  “Here is my stuff, what’s your blog about?, my friend can’t come today..”  I have to cut her off and say quietly, “30 minutes of quiet.  Go or this is going to take even longer.”  She smiles and hops out of my room and calls out behind her,  “I love you, Mom!”  That is also an example of why it is so hard for me to find a moment of privacy to FaceTime with my boyfriend or to do pretty much anything else.  My offspring is an Extrovert and I love her with all my heart, there are just times when she sucks every ounce of my energy out of my every pore.  A single parent needs support and a break from time to time, I believe that a single Introverted parent whose child is an Extrovert with ADHD deserves a lifetime pass to a day spa or campsite or whatever moment of silence and solitude she or he craves.

All of this led to me to create a diversity workshop on Introverts and Extroverts for the annual women’s professional development conference at my corporation.  The corporation has US affiliates in manufacturing, sales and marketing and financial services.  Our parent company is from an industry that is traditionally male-dominated.  We live and work in a U.S. society that is clearly biased towards extroverts, I wanted to explore how that plays out at each of our workplaces and impacts career growth for women.  Admittedly, it had the potential to be more than a 90 minute workshop but I wanted to plant a seed on the topic to see what might germinate from it.

The description of the workshop:  Conference participants will observe an exercise to introduce “Introversion & Extroversion” and go through a guided discussion and to discuss this topic as it relates to working at our corporation.  This worshop competed against a discussion on Sheryl Sanberg’s “Lean In” amongst others yet we had standing room only crowds for each session.  That indicated a certain level of interest.  Executives and managers alike told me they appreciated the discussion and a new way to frame diversity in the workplace.

This all makes me think about how personality style impacts interpersonal relationships.  My colleague kicks off many of his workshops on diversity with this statement: “People make 90% of their judgments about you based on the 10% of what they see.”   With that said, strangers will make an assessment about who they think I am based on my clothing, hair style and color, height, weight, shape of my eyes, curve of my ass, and anything else they see. Because I am an Introvert, an INFJ to be exact, I may not seem as interested in meeting this stranger. If they come on too strong I will, at least subconsciously, recoil away from him or her.  However, the second part of that kick-off statement is that “90% of who we are cannot be seen.”  People are like icebergs, the surface doesn’t reveal what is beneath the surface and Introverts have an invisible forcefield that blocks people from getting to know that 90% of who they really are.

 

I’ve read a variety of different numbers when it comes to the percentage of the population who are INFJ, like me. Most of the data I have seen says we are less than 4% (and sometimes the data is reported as low as less than 1%) of the population, making my type the most rare of all.

Profile of an INFJ Personality, according to Typefinder. http://www.typefinder.com/infj

“INFJ in a Nutshell

INFJs are creative nurturers with a strong sense of personal integrity and a drive to help others realize their potential. Creative and dedicated, they have a talent for helping others with original solutions to their personal challenges.

The Counselor has a unique ability to intuit others’ emotions and motivations, and will often know how someone else is feeling before that person knows it himself. They trust their insights about others and have strong faith in their ability to read people. Although they are sensitive, they are also reserved; the INFJ is a private sort, and is selective about sharing intimate thoughts and feelings.

What Makes the INFJ Tick

INFJs are guided by a deeply considered set of personal values. They are intensely idealistic, and can clearly imagine a happier and more perfect future. They can become discouraged by the harsh realities of the present, but they are typically motivated and persistent in taking positive action nonetheless. The INFJ feels an intrinsic drive to do what they can to make the world a better place.

INFJs want a meaningful life and deep connections with other people. They do not tend to share themselves freely but appreciate emotional intimacy with a select, committed few. Although their rich inner life can sometimes make them seem mysterious or private to others, they profoundly value authentic connections with people they trust.”

Luckily, I am a type of Introvert who really likes people and is blessed with a large social circle of friends and colleagues. Usually, I present as an Extrovert to the outside world. People who see me speak at conferences will swarm me and reach out to connect with questions and comments. What they don’t realize is that it takes all my energy to speak in front of a large conference room and I need time to recharge in solitude.

This is not the last time I will think about being an Introvert. Hopefully it isn’t the last time I blog about it.

Leadership – Do our values change over time?

In 2003, I found myself invited to apply for a Fellowship Program with an organization called Asian Pacific American Women’s Leadership Institute (APAWLI).  The mission of APAWLI was to develop Asian American and Pacific Islander women for leadership roles in the United States. Founded in 1996, APAWLI’s signature Fellowship Program selected a group of outstanding women to take the three-week leadership training course which culminated in each individual developing a leadership impact project that would positively change the lives of at least 25 people.

The interview process consisted of written essays, collecting multiple letters of recommendation, and face-to-face interviews with APAWLI board members.  The experience helped me examine my hopes for the future and my career goals.  It also forced me to ask for help, something that I find to be a challenge, but I needed letters of recommendation from people outside of my work team.  When I read the letters that these well-respected leaders in business and the community wrote, I kept looking around and wondering if they were actually talking about ME.  It is very true that we do not see ourselves the way others do and being Asian, humility gets in the way of honest self-assessments.

Unfortunately, the APAWLI ran into budgetary challenges in 2003 and had to place the Fellowship Program on hold for a few years.  I found my application and decided it might be fun to read through it.  Before I started, I asked myself if our core values change through the years.  What I am about to share in this DiversityNerd posting was written over ten years ago:  before I earned my promotions at work, before I almost died from a ruptured hemorrhagic ovarian cyst, and before I developed my voice in Diversity and Inclusion.  How much have I grown since then?

APAWLI is a part of The Center for Asian Pacific American Women (The Center) is a national, non-profit, non-advocacy organization dedicated to enhancing and enriching leadership skills for Asian American, Native Hawaiian and Pacific Island (AANHPI) leaders.

Taken from their website:

“Our mission is to address the challenges facing us and to nurture trusteeship within our communities by expanding leadership capacity, fostering awareness of AANHPI issues, creating a supportive network of AANHPI leaders, and strengthening community.” 

2003  Asian Pacific American Women’s Leadership Institute
DiversityNerd’s Fellowship Application

Current Job Responsibilities

The goals of the Inclusion Strategy group are to:

• Create lasting corporate cultural change that impacts our company’s future business success by attracting, retaining and developing associates and customers.
• Ensure that Human Resource systems, processes and policies are inclusive of every individual and leverage the diversity that each associate brings to the workplace.
• Build strategic partnerships across the organization so accountability and ownership is internal to each business unit.

  Major accomplishments:

1. Developed a three-part process for creating lasting change, considered the benchmark diversity and inclusion strategy for my company.
2. Established Business Partnering Groups (affinity groups).  My proposal and policy was also implemented at our manufacturing affiliate in the Midwest.
3. Education of Officers on Diversity and Inclusion Strategy.

Career Goals

In five years, I would like to be managing a larger staff at my company and completing a post-graduate program.  The APAWLI Fellowship would provide me development and growth to achieve both of those goals.  First, I would obtain invaluable skills in becoming a stronger leader.  I would like to find my voice in the greater society, especially to aid the Pilipino community.  I have always felt like there were no Pilipina American role models for me in the private sector, I would like to be there for the younger Asian American and Pacific Islander generation.  Secondly, building my personal network with a group of high performing, community focused, Asian American and Pacific Islander will provide a challenge to raise the bar on my personal and professional goals.  There are so few Asian American or Pacific Islander people in executive positions in my company that I often feel alone.  Finally, although my skills are strong enough for me to thrive in my current position, a graduate or post-graduate degree will afford me a sense of accomplishment and confidence in my professional abilities.  If I am not selected for the APAWLI Fellowship, I will pursue other professional development opportunities.

Talents based on the Gallup Organization’s Strenths Finder:

Strategic       

This talent affords me the ability to see the larger picture.  In  addition, I always work to anticipate potential roadblocks and design strategies to address them.

Maximizer     
My greatest joy is in taking the best and making it better.  If I am working with an average performing individual or organization,
making them good is not as rewarding as taking a strong achiever to the highest level of performance possible.

Positivity        
This strength allows me to inspire others.  I have been likened to a “Pied Piper” in my organization.

Futuristic        
I am always looking to the future and stay excited about the possibilities.  Change is an exciting opportunity to make the world or the organization a better place for everyone.

Arranger       
This strength allows me to adjust my responsibilities and workload to achieve my objectives.  In addition, I have a talent for finding 
alternative ways of approaching challenges.

Areas for My Own Improvement
I have yet to establish myself as a force in the Pilipino American community.  Although my parents were very involved in the local Pilipino Community Centers, it was never clear to me how the organization was reaching out beyond the center and into the larger community.  Now that I am an adult and a single parent, I see that I have the power and responsibility to make an impact on my community, leaving it up to others does not equal commitment and progress.  However, I have to build my network of Pilipino colleagues in order to find opportunities to impact my community.
Another area of improvement is in my self-confidence.  It has been a struggle to work as an internal change agent in my workplace.  I liken my job to banging my head against the wall to create change.  If I achieve a little success, wall cracks, I rest and start banging away again.  As an individual contributor with no direct reports, sitting in front of high-level executives and insisting that they listen to my ideas and recommendations has never been an easy road.  Many individuals make it a point to equate competence with a job title.  Despite my success at work, there are times when I allow my lack of executive status hold me back.  Perhaps with more experience and maturity, this will dissipate.

Aspirations for the future
In the future, I would like to be working in a community-focused non-profit organization or as independent consultant where I can impact many different individuals or companies.  The best way to break stereotypes is to be out in the world, living the life one has always dreamed about.  I have always wanted to accomplish what others say is impossible.  My motivation comes from a bit of a rebellious streak, the challenge of achieving an elusive goal.  My power is felt by extending my knowledge and skills to other individuals and allowing them to grow to become their full and complete self.  To me, there is more reward in seeing others thrive than in receiving a larger paycheck.

 I cannot honestly say that organizational development/diversity and inclusion was ever in my career path plan.  Being able to earn a living by helping individuals and organizations build more inclusive work environments by leveraging their diversity cannot be labeled a “job” for me.  I feel so blessed to have this kind of impact on the world at a young age.

I am successful in my current role and I receive so much gratification from this work.  I would like to continue to impact organizations on all three levels:  systemic, group and individual.  The ultimate goal is higher performance, which only comes about when people are feeling valued, supported and respected for their individuality.

Personal
My role models for leadership are all in my family.  First of all, my paternal grandmother exemplified pride and strength in everything she did.  During World War II, as a young mother of four children, my grandmother found herself widowed.  A transplant from Manila, she lived in a province with my paternal grandfather.  Her training and education as a nurse afforded her great respect and her home was a haven for people and soldiers victimized by the war.  Despite having no medical supplies, Filipina did her best to comfort those who were suffering and cared for her four young children as best she could.

After the war ended, Filipina made the decision to leave her four children in the care of her sister and brother in law.  For many years, my grandmother corresponded with her children via hand-written letters as she sought out the “American Dream” in California.  She married a Pilipino immigrant, my dear grandfather who was willing to raise her four children, sight unseen, as his own, along with his son from another relationship AND have three more children together.  They saved enough money to bring her four children to the United States and created the Pilipino Brady Bunch.  Their family was filled with love and it was a hybrid of first and second generation immigrants under one roof.  Brothers, sisters, step-brothers and step-sisters, it never mattered, they were all family.  This extended to their children as well.  My cousins are like my own siblings, I could never fathom when my friends would say that they hated their cousins.

This relationship was the foundation for my core values – work hard, service, integrity, honesty and most of all, family first.  My grandmother showed incredible bravery while my grandfather exemplified unconditional love.  These clear messages shaped my perspective on the world.  I strive to find the win-win outcome.  I do not believe that anyone has to be a loser, when you extend the flame of your candle to another, there is always more light in the end.  Your candle loses nothing by sharing.  The light is actually doubled, not diminished in any way.  That is how I want to lead.  I believe very strongly in team first, if my team is successful, I am successful.  To me, a great leader follows her heart as strongly as her head.

Most significant learning experience
I can think of no other experience that has impacted me as strongly as becoming a mother, specifically, a single mother.  The father of my child was not ready for marriage or fatherhood and I knew that it would be my sole responsibility to raise my daughter.  My lifestyle changed the minute I discovered I was pregnant.  During my pregnancy, I became aware of how trivial my “stress” seemed.   I immediately lost 175 pounds by kicking him out of my house after our daughter was born.  Then, I grew up.
Becoming a mother taught me how to prioritize my life.  My daughter, her safety and happiness were the only things that mattered.  I made a conscious decision to leave the demanding field of advertising and find work closer to my home.  Being alone never scared me, I developed a sense of power and control by being forced into single motherhood.  I became keenly aware of my independence and my strength.  This reminded me of my grandmother, leaving her home and family in order to seek out a better life for her children.  If she could travel across the world, surely I could become a leader in a corporate environment to support my family of two.

Leadership – What kind of leader am I?
At this point in my career, I lead purely by instinct and heart.  Thus far, both have served me well.  My direct reports have told me that I made them feel empowered and protected to take risks, learn and grow.  I do my best to challenge them to take on stretch assignments and to never settle for less than their best performance.

When I think about the kind of leader I want to become, I have opportunities to develop new skills.  While I do believe that I have the talent to set a vision, I am very clear that my business insight is not as sophisticated as many high-level leaders in corporate America.  Because of this, I seek out partnerships with leaders who are very different from me in terms of work experience and education.  Actually, I do not have to look very far to find either.  Many leaders who I admire seem to have all the answers.  I would like to have a network of colleagues who can give me the answers that I need.

The APAWLI Fellowship and the organization as a whole will grant me empowerment as a professional Asian American woman.  Having the opportunity to apply for this Fellowship has already given me more self-confidence in my abilities as a leader.  The application process alone has taught me to ask when I need support and to lead when others have no direction.  I truly believe that the best way to improve is to surround oneself with greatness.  This can only raise the bar on expectations of one’s individual performance and achievements.  As I reviewed the list of past alumni and considered the incredible impact projects that each one developed, I felt my heart swell with pride.  I was proud of my Asian American and Pacific Islander sisters reaching out, proving our strength and exerting power.  In the end, I realized that I own and hold that same power, it just needs to be unleashed.  I would be so very humbled and honored to be associated with APAWLI, in any capacity.

Challenge
The most difficult leadership challenge I have faced is being young in a hierarchical company like the one where I work. Young in age, work experience and tenure means that it takes four times longer for me to build credibility in the eyes of key decision makers in the company.  However, despite this obstacle, I have achieved my goals to date at work.  In fact, I have also developed new skills, which I find to be extremely important as a leader:  patience and perseverance.  As long as one keeps her eye on the long-term strategy, one can stay focused on the big picture and the goal.  Patience and perseverance have been critical to my success.

Five key values
My five key values exemplify a common theme, service – making the world a better place.  Based on a self-assessment tool used during a leadership development course I attended, my five key values are:  Authenticity, Tradition, Vision, Advocacy and Consistency.  They are defined as:

• Authenticity:  Being true to oneself
• Tradition:  Honoring customs and practices of historical significance
• Vision:  Creating compelling pictures of the future
• Advocacy:  Passionately supporting an issue
• Consistency:  Remaining faithful to the same principles and practices

As I consider how these values developed, two things are clear.  One, my family upbringing has built this foundation for me.  And secondly, my values compliment and support one another in both my personal and professional life.

First of all, I recall the sacrifice that my grandparents made to provide new opportunities for my parents.  I have already discussed my paternal grandmother’s journey as a young widow across the ocean on her quest for the American Dream.  Leaving her children in the Philippines as she embarked to an unknown country, exemplifies a strategic and futuristic mindset, which I model in my life.  In addition, my maternal grandfather survived the “Bataan Death March” as a Philippine Scout during World War II.  He persevered and became an officer the U.S. Army, a part of the military pull of talent out of the Philippines in the 1950s.  Knowing this recent yet rich history is a part of my family.  I appreciate and respect the sacrifice.  There is no way I can ignore that tradition and it drives me to excel in service.

 As I apply these values to my career, it is clear that I have a purpose in this world.  I own my values with pride.  In my mind, I have been given the opportunity to refine my five key values and apply them on a daily basis.  Building a more inclusive work environment within a successful company such as mine, challenges me to raise the bar on performance, both my own and the company’s.  Respecting tradition is an integral part of creating culture change, particularly in a Japanese owned enterprise.  I must understand the heritage that built this company in order to be most effective in impacting change. I am driven by hope for the future, advocacy for the under-represented voice and remain true to my integrity and authenticity.

For example, one manager to whom I have been providing education, leadership and support gave me a small gift from Hawai’i as a token of appreciation.  She was on vacation and found a bookmark with a quote:  “Po’okela (Excellence) Ahuwale ka po’okela i kau hana ia ha’i…It is through the way you serve others that your greatness will be felt.”  The fact that one of my customers/colleagues sees me in this light re-affirmed my values.  She said that she immediate thought of me when she saw the bookmark.  I keep it nearby every day at work.  The monetary rewards and material recognition pale in comparison to receiving this kind of feedback from a fellow change agent in my company.  I am motivated to create change for the greater good.  I always strive to find the win-win alternative, utilizing my values of service to others.

 

2014

Looking back, I see the core of who I am has not changed.  I have definitely matured and experienced a lot of living over the last 10 or so years.  Almost dying and raising a teenager will do that to you.  (Those two things are not directly related.)  My self-confidence has grown and I have an extremely strong sense of who I am and what I stand for in this world.  Reading this application has inspired me to think about my plan for the next ten years of my life and in my career.  More to come…

           

 

Lt. Dan Choi, Opening Keynote at #LinkageInc Diversity & Inclusion Institute

May 2014

Lt. Dan Choi. I said his name out loud and my boyfriend laughed. It made him think of “Forrest Gump” and the character that Gary Sinise played. That was Lt. Dan Taylor, a proud soldier from a long lineage of soldiers who had died in battle. Lt. Dan was a leader and fully expected to follow in the footsteps of his father and grandfather. When Lt. Dan and his platoon fell under attack, he protected many of his soldiers, like a true leader. While under a bombing attack, he lost both legs and was waiting to die a hero’s death. However, Forrest Gump saved him.

This blog isn’t about a fictional hero named Lt. Dan, I’m going to write about Lt. Dan Choi, an American hero and leader.

Dan Choi grew up in Southern California, the son of a Korean-American Baptist Minister. That fact was evident when I heard Lt. Dan Choi address a room of 500 or 600 people for the opening keynote at the Linkage Diversity and Inclusion Institute. Even though it was 8:15am, the room was at attention to hear this speech. Lt. Dan Choi commanded the room, not like an officer in the US military but more like a preacher. He told a story that felt authentic and compelling, with more than a few life lessons weaved throughout. I didn’t want to miss a single word.

His opening words included a photograph of Afghanistan, from the mid 2000’s. Choi had graduated from West Point with degrees in Arabic and environmental engineering. There were only a handful of military officers who spoke Arabic. Choi became a highly valued member of the army and quickly aided in sorting through bad intelligence by translating conversations of insurgents and locals alike, real time. That, in and of itself, is leadership.

But Choi didn’t expect what was to come. He told the room what changed for him. He shared what had happened that gave him so much courage to speak his truth. It wasn’t a message from above. It wasn’t a life or death event. The simple truth was that Lt. Dan Choi fell in love. He stated that when he finally experienced what it felt like to put someone else ahead of himself, it changed him. Falling in love and having so much emotion and care for another human being sparked a new fire of courage and leadership. Choi realized that he could no longer hide from the fact that he was a gay man. This led to Choi coming out, in a rather public manner. He came out on TV, on “The Rachel Maddow Show” and began a fight against the questionable morality and wisdom of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.” In a letter to Congress and President Barack Obama, Choi wrote that the policy is a “slap in the face to me. It is a slap in the face to my soldiers, peers and leaders who have demonstrated than an infantry unit can be professional enough to accept diversity, to accept capable leaders, to accept skilled soldiers.”

Because Lt. Choi showed such courage in standing up for what he believed in and not disparaging the US military,
I think he is a leader. Love is a force that brings bravery to the forefront. It helped Lt. Choi fight for what he deemed right. He attended the very prestigious military academy, West Point. He served proudly in the US Army. He didn’t find it fair that he had to cover up or “not tell” the military that he was gay. And eventually, the US government would agree.

What really struck me as I listened to Lt. Choi centered around his love and commitment to his faith. Choi continuously quoted the Bible. He spoke of his father’s service and commitment to his congregation with respect. My favorite moment was when Choi mentioned that his father was specifically a Southern Baptist minister (the ballroom in Atlanta did catch it’s collective breath.). When he asked his father why Southern Baptist was his denomination of choice, Choi lovingly imitated his father’s Korean accept with the reply, “because we are from South Korea, of course.” That drew quite a laugh from me. I think I almost snorted.

Despite his authenticity and candor, Choi seemed tired of the speaking circuit. He mentioned a desire to find a job and to live a quiet, settled life. Living in the public eye for so long, fighting against the system for what he believed in, these were both completely counter culture to his upbringing. Although he never directly came out and said it, I also got the feeling that his parents did not appreciate his activism. I understand that. Most Asian cultures place high value on protecting the family and saving face. And being gay is frowned upon by many Christians, including Southern Baptists. For Choi to step out in such a public way, it really must have felt like a threat to his family.

But the nugget of wisdom that struck me the hardest was a simple statement that Choi said. He said he listened to his father’s sermons growing up. Choi learned about the concept of unconditional love. He said that regardless of the conditions that his father might put on it, Choi will always love his father. That is both courage and leadership.