Monthly Archives: August 2014

Kauai – The Honeymoon That Never Was

“You know you just said, ‘Boyfriend,’ right?” my friend C smiled at me over his yogurt parfait with oversized blueberries that must have been genetically modified. I looked him in the eye and realized that C didn’t know I had gotten divorced and really was talking about my boyfriend not a husband. My marriage was so short-lived, for all C knew this year should have been me basking in the afterglow of my romantic destination wedding. Although I didn’t make an announcement, I assumed the rumor mill would have spread the word across the office by now. I suppose there isn’t a tradition for your work colleagues to throw a “Divorce Shower” but that idea has the potential to become a multi-million dollar industry. Alas, my marriage was over before we left for our honeymoon four months after the wedding.

We had scheduled a delayed honeymoon, four months after the wedding, and it was a really fun vacation. It was, however, an uneventful honeymoon, if you catch my drift. Wikipedia says that “A honeymoon is the traditional holiday taken by newlyweds to celebrate their marriage in intimacy and seclusion.” This celebration is supposed to be a romantic get-away between two people madly in love who are creating new memories to start their long life together. It should be filled with passion and kisses and hours and hours of bumpin’ uglies. No kisses, no passion, no bumpin’. In fact, my favorite day from that “honeymoon” was when he spent the day fishing out on the open ocean and I drove up to North Shore to enjoy Tunnels Beach, alone.

As a side note, for those of you who have not visited Kauai, there are thousands of wild chickens on the island. Yes, there are a lot of cock in Kauai but I only saw the ones who crow loudly all day and throughout most of the night. I experienced none on my honeymoon. They run freely and no one really messes with them, chickens have no natural predators. They were brought to the island as a source of food for the original Polynesian settlers. Since then, these animals have been used for a violent past time called, cock-fighting, which is a source of illegal income for some locals. Anyone visiting Kauai will see postcards with chickens and roosters in every souvenir store and if you stay outside of the fancy resort areas, you will hear constant clucking and cackling. It is cute, for a hot minute, but then I wanted to find tiny little chicken-sized muzzles for the beasts. If I had experienced a proper honeymoon, I doubt the sounds of wild chickens would have bothered me at all.

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The long and the short of the marriage failing came down to no communication and unclear expectations. We did not have a strong enough friendship in the beginning and we had assumptions about what marriage would be like. I assumed we would work on the marriage together, he assumed otherwise. There were definitely signs that he didn’t see marriage as a partnership, such as buying his own groceries separate from mine and even doing his own laundry with his own laundry detergent. I totally understand and support having separate personal bank accounts but buying two different types of laundry detergent and doing numerous loads of laundry separate isn’t good for a relationship or for the environment. Wasteful actions such as this led to the wasting away of a marriage.

On Friday, I will be boarding a six hour flight for a six day trip to Kauai, the Garden Isle. This vacation is largely unplanned, I’ve been traveling so much for work I thought that it would be best for me to stay home and rest. However, my dear friend and wine drinking buddy booked a trip to Kauai and told me that tickets were about $400 on Hawaiian Airlines. That is an incredible price for a direct flight to Kauai so I considered going with her. By the time I logged in to check prices, less than one week later, the flights had dropped to $328 round trip. No questions asked, I booked two tickets for me and my daughter to join her. I am looking forward to picking up a poke plate lunch at Pono Market and driving back to Tunnels beach with the girls. I had wanted to take a hike or two on my last trip but that wasn’t of interest to him. I also wanted to see Waimea Canyon, up close and personal but had to settle for seeing a bird’s eye view from a helicopter. My friend registered to run the Kauai Half Marathon and I almost decided to join her but then I regained my sanity. Rest and relaxation is what I need. This trip to Kauai will be a mellow adventure and an even better vacation than my honeymoon.

Late Train Blogging; DiversityNerd Owes You

My last post was on July 21, 2014. That was a full five weeks ago. My day job has been cray cray busy and I am surrounded by people experiencing anxiety and stress. Because I’m in a position responsible for the tone and culture in the company, I’m fielding questions and holding counseling sessions and facilitating dialogue across the company. My poor little INFJ personality is inundated with the challenge of managing everyone else’s angst. That is part of the curse of being intuitive, I absorb everyone else’s pain and emotions when they come to me for help. I would be a lousy massage therapist because I would take in too stress and pain from my clients’ aching bodies.

I owe myself some quiet time to blog about July and August. My travels took me to conference in NYC, where I facilitated some same race and cross race discussion groups on Mentoring and Sponsorship. Then I spent some time nerding out at San Diego Comic Con with my two loves, my daughter and my boyfriend. Highlights: my daughter and I met Aisha Tyler and we all attended a live podcast recording of @girlonguy.

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I also scored press passes from @shakefire and had access to events with two critical members of the #TWD_Family: Greg Nicotero and Norman Reedus.

After SDCC, I drove to Las Vegas with the boyfriend for a work conference. Well, I worked and he got to explore Las Vegas for the first time.

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From Vegas, I spent a week back home before I set out on a work “expedition” with about 35 employees from all over the company to explore our new home in Texas.

During the time, there were numerous diversity related tragedies in our country, Robin Williams and Lauren Bacall both passed away and the internet has been spammed with ice bucket challenges that are spilling over into the workplace. I owe myself time to do some writing.

I promise to address most of these events in a future posting.