Monthly Archives: August 2015

Mahalo nui loa, @KwabenaFoli I am a Healer 

I just found this poem by Kwabena Foli and it made me stop scrolling through my Google images search as tears welled in my eyes.   
My eyes overflowed with salty tears and these simple but oh so wise words softened my heart.  This poem felt as if this artist, this poet, this stranger took great care to place the pieces of my broken heart back together.  These words gently repositioned one ventricle to another, I felt as if reading this let me know that I’m not an idiot. 

No, I’m smart. I’m educated. I’m hard-working. I’m talented. I’m generally very happy. I can even state that I’m successful in a field of work that grows more important as the the world grows smaller and the social constructs that divide us crack wider. But I am a healer and as such, I work to help others grow and develop and live fuller lives. This gallant enterprise just doesn’t translate when it comes to affairs of my heart. 

This Spring and Summer swept in with heartache and heartbreak.  Many people who I love fell ill:  urgent care visits, emergency rooms, ambulance rides, each of these houses family members of mine.  We had plenty of scares and unpleasant experiences with doctors and medical tests but so far, everyone is receiving proper treatment. One of my cousins is struggling with the big C and there will be no surgery or procedure to help her. That’s not  

The long distance relationship that I had been working to nurture faced a challenge, could we sustain it separated by 2,000 miles for yet another year?  The nerds that we are, we joked that Spock would say that the only logical thing to do is to break up.  Long distance with no end in sight just hurts.  But McCoy’s point of view chimes in with, “Dammit, Jim. You love her.”  We went against the emotional Dr. McCoy’s advice and agreed to call off our long distance relationship. I never felt like the word “girlfriend” fit for me.  At my advanced age, it sounded silly.  Now, I’m single and that sounds like a new beginning. 

Maybe I am broken and I’ve been avoiding putting my heart back together by staying in a long distance relationship?  He and I have one of those easy connections where we can talk and laugh for hours on end or sit comfortably in happy silence, as only two introverts can.  We no longer wear the labels of “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” but we continue to love one another. 

Despite pain, uncertainty and turmoil in my family, my heart will remain filled with love.  I have gratitude for Kwabena Foli’s poem. He reminded me that it is time for me to heal myself with love. 

Stillness (I used to try to write poems)


All around me the world is moving

a blur of motion

in every direction



with no destination

My life moves             sways              ebbs                 flows

and my heart is locked inside

protected by a fortress of solitude

cold steel walls


never moving

only beating for existence

not pounding for life